Dublin Sculptural Renaissance: The Optimistic Tortoise!
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Back in Dublin for a few days and I’ve throughly enjoyed treking about the city. Loved the Flanagan sculptures on O’Connell Street, thought the Hugh Lane Galley fabulous (brilliant Brian O’Doherty exhibition) and generally enjoyed the bit of soft rain after two months of continental weather in London.
Anyways, an idea struck me on the way in from the airport and given the sculptural renaissance though it worth flagging. There you are returning home on the M50 having just stepped of a plane. Coming up through the toll booth with the Dublin Mountains ahead of you your eye catches a twinkle on the mountain horizon.
The proposal is to place a 50ft long by 30ft high bronze tortise on the cusp of the hill – as viewed from the motorway. Called “The Optimistic Tortoise” this land sculpture would be moved up the hill once a year by 50m. Ageing and greening over time the tortoise would mark a slow but steadily optimistic progress up,down and across the Dublin Mountains slowing marching west to east and in doing so stage-post the return of emigants and visitors over the years. Given the speed of the traffic down there it might actually move by the time you reach the Red Cow.
The idea cheered me up in any case! Sponsors please RSVP! Shane
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The ramblings of a madman or the wise words of a prophet? Is Mr Clarke attempting to inflict a hideous carbuncle on the citizens of Dublin, reminding them of their misery as they sit in a traffic jam on the M50. Or could his suggestion be the wry joke that provides the spark that lights the flame of revolution – thousands of frustrated drivers abandon their cars and walk zombie-like all the way into Kildare Street picking up hoardes of similarly disgruntled citizens along the way to a mass lynching, lashing, stoning etc of all members of government…
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@Snail wrote:
Or could his suggestion be the wry joke that provides the spark that lights the flame of revolution – thousands of frustrated drivers abandon their cars and walk zombie-like all the way into Kildare Street picking up hoardes of similarly disgruntled citizens along the way to a mass lynching, lashing, stoning etc of all members of government…
jesusi hope so…:mad:
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Naysayers, let’s step aside a moment. Remember, many of the world’s most beautiful and important structures started with a (pardon the pun) seemingly hare-brained scheme. I have done some calculations on this matter. So let’s evaluate the logistics of this Optimistic Tortoise:
Preliminary talks and meetings with the city’s most prolific developers on the building of the climbing Tortoise. Expected date of completion: December 2006.
Open competition for the design of the Optimistic Tortoise, calling for a “unique and remarkable turtle-themed landmark” design for the traffic-clogged city of Dublin: deadline: July 2007.
All 500-plus entries evaluated; winning Tortoise design announced: September 2007.
The winning Tortoise design hits a hurdle after the proposal is rejected by the planning authorities and boo-hissed by numerous civilian naysayers (dubbed “Pessimistic Hares”). Expected unveiling of amended planning scheme: January 2008
Because of the need to maintain its “slenderness ratio”, the amended Optimistic Tortoise would also be somewhat bulkier than the original proposal by two firms of architects. Tortoise re-weighing date of completion: September 2008.
Sceptical reaction from developers about the economic feasibility of the original Tortoise proposal: ongoing.
A professional team of structural engineers, quantity surveyors and mechanical and electrical engineers must then be selected to collaborate with the architects on the proposed Tortoise, which would illuminate its torpid form at night for all drivers on the M50 to see and admire. Team assembled: January 2009.
Application for section 25 status, which would enable the Tortoise developer to avail of lucrative tax reliefs to offset the capital cost. Expected approval: February 2009.
Planning permission to redevelop the Dublin mountains, including a bronze shell rising to 100 metres. Expected date of re-permission: June 2009.
Expected date of beginning construction: August 2009.
Let me close with a quote from an expert: “There is room for only one landmark Tortoise at the top of the Dublin Mountains and it has to be the U2 one… er, the Optimistic Tortoise one,” said one well-informed source.
Expected date of completion of the Optimistic Tortoise: May 2014.
Good architecture? Or just good allegory? Hmm…
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Manifesta et al – I ask for sponsers but little did I imagine that there would volunteer such a realistic and far sighted (and undoubtedly costly) project manager. My aim is to get that optimistic wee (well rather enormous) fella to the top of the mountain before I die. Perhaps a sustainable diet of hillside suburban banality could speed the trip and before my dying day I could celebrate a picnic with the Tortoise team and said Geochelone Gigantea at the Hellfire Club.
The Snail – It would seem that the truely shelled contingency inspire revolution and revolt while the hare like yet fundamentally tin canned automobile inspires passivity. A slow revolution then! Is there a wrecking yard up the hills as smybolic stopping point in the onward march of this Optimistic traveller?
Really though, really really, this is but alegorical fancy whereas I do truely aspire to a great big copper crustationious creation taking his first tenative steps in the near future. In the spirit of delegation then can I request that some graphic whizz imagine the piece; Snail you can leaflet the Dail; and Manefesta I’ll charge you with negotiations with Mr Bono Voz and cohorts!
Slowly proceeds the revolution – Shane
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Well Mr Clarke, if you are this determined to see the Great Bronze Hope crawl up the banal suburban hillside, may I suggest a bit of hit and run architecture? As project manager of this truly ludicrous proposal, I can say that the “spirit of delegation” will only slow things down and therefore I give you my blessing to proceed in whatever renegade, optimistic manner you see fit. You shouldn’t face too much opposition… I’m sure the Gardai are too busy effectively dealing with the drug dealers on the Eden Quay boardwalk to concern themselves with a giant creeping tortoise on the Dublin Mountainside.
Oh, and if by “negotiations with Bono,” you mean “free trip to Holland,” then count me in.
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